Some of you have known since it started, some found out later and even more are just now hearing about it. I had big scare with Breast Cancer; it is not Cancer, but we just weren't sure for a couple of months.
Lots of mammograms, sonograms, Breast MRI's, biopsies and finally last week the removal of some tumors and a duct, but like I said, it's not Cancer. I am blessed and lucky and humbled and grateful and any number of other words of gratitude; but this musing isn't about "what it may have been" but about what really happened to me, my family and my friends.
I believe that God does things and works miracles to teach us all a Lesson, I just couldn't see what Lesson I was supposed to learn, Stacy, Lisa and Michelle all individually told me, "maybe this isn't YOUR Lesson."
I'll let you decide and you let me know.
Like most things in my life, there's usually some sort of drama involved in it; admittedly most by my own design, but sometimes it is out of my control. This one was out of my control and straight into God's hand and God's plan. Everyone handles "news" differently, good news or bad news. I equate it to death, people grieve differently, there's no right or wrong way to do it; you start on a path and you have to hold on and be ready.
At the forefront of my path, I had to let it sink in; marinate; figure out next steps; but I did not try to bargain with God. I made a conscience effort to take this "thing, what ever it might be" like a soldier. If the orders said Cancer, then Cancer it would be. Again, I had to let God go to work the idea of illness and on my Lesson.
It took awhile for me to realize that if it was Cancer, then there would be chemo or radiation afterwards. Lisa and I were swimming when that little nugget of wisdom hit me. She just smiled at me and said, "I was wondering when you'd think of that. We weren't going to bring it up, but yeah, there will be treatments. Don't worry, we're all here for ya." Lisa was on the path of strength for me, she's always fine.
Then there was Scott, who would not give me ANY sympathy throughout the whole ordeal. He just kept telling me, "there's people out there with REAL Cancer, Hope. We don't even know what yours is!" Very frustrating, but that was his way of navigating the path. He was right, I was fine.
The most humbling experience was at Stacy's salon. She has client/friend, young (early 30's), married, two children, both under three. She came in while I there, to have her head shaved because chemo was making her hair fall out and her head hurt. She had a double mastectomy when I first started on my path and this was the first time I'd seen her. SHE has REAL Cancer. I was humbled by her courage. This is her path, I pray she'll be fine.
And finally, after it is all over but the healing, Michelle tells me she was afraid to pray for me, because if it was Cancer, then her prayers didn't work. Her prayers always work, she seems to have a direct line to God's Express Lane. While some of us pray and pray and don't get the answer we want so we give up; she prays and things happen. I really believe she prays for the right things for the right reasons. Her path was to strengthen her Faith and she walked it just fine.
So whose Lesson was it? I still don't know, maybe I never will and perhaps it was a Lesson for all of us.
I'm fine!
